Ma, I wanna go fast!

Some things you foresee. Going on leave? Yes. Visiting friends? Check. Getting the keys to a BMW M3 while one of said friends is in Europe for two weeks? Habba habba habba.

The BMW M3 coupe…A 3.2-liter, six-cylinder engine that produces 333 horsepower, enough to launch from 0 to 60 mph in 4.8 seconds. Its six-speed manual transmission, Sequential Manual Gearbox (SMG) and road-gripping M Variable Differential lock combine with several thousand roaring, whirling, purring and undulating mechanical processes to send you screaming down any relatively paved surface.

Verily, why stop at 60? A gentle breeze on the accelerator sends you past 100. And there, as every concept of part, compartment and device melds into the focused task of propelling a human being at dizzying and extraordinary velocities, you can almost reach through the fabric of space time and shake the very hand of God himself.

And you’ll need him to keep that happy little soul of yours in it’s corporeal transitory state. But, then again, the time here is just temporary isn’t it? Why not taste, just a tiny bit, the tantalizing creative power of our engineering contemporaries as you brush against the bounds of earth and heaven? These enterprising brothers have oh-so-delicious ways of sending you to the Creator, through pure automotive ecstasy, and even-faster spiritual means, when luck and fate collide with said car and tree.

So, worry not friends. I gave her a couple of go-rounds, and now I’m done. Streaking through the skies of Iraq in helicopters taking evasive action sated my thirst for crazy mechanical shenanigans. Still, you have to admire the amazing, almost divine inspiration that crafted the perfect lines and handling of the M3. It’s a far more effective gospel than most sermons. So saith the Salmons.

And you do have to admit that my ability to establish “chill” will be helped just a tad by the new chariot. C’mon! People are shallow as hell, revel in it a little. Fellas, can I get a witness?


About salemonz

Born in San Diego, Calif. Raised as a Navy Brat, I jumped ship and crossed over to the Army. Served as an enlisted journalist for a bunch of years, then helped the DoD figure out what the hell to do with social media. After the Army, now I drift down the river of life, trying not to be a jerk.

5 responses to “Ma, I wanna go fast!”

  1. Felyne says :

    Woooooooooooooooooo. Nice wheels.

    I have to confess though, if I saw you in that, I’d think prep squad tosser and look the other way. Now if you were in a 1980 Mini, then you’d get my attention.

    Meh, I’m so shallow in a totally nerd/geek way.

  2. Beka says :

    how do the owners feel about you drooling on their upholstery?

  3. salmons says :

    Sonny’s in Spain, so I have a little bit before I have to clean it off 😉

  4. Beka says :

    Ahhh…Santino estas en Espania. Muy bueno.

    K, so I’m soooo in the wrong line of work if that’s Sonny’s car.

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