I hear music

Weeks ago, a lieutenant heard me singing some random bit while in the office.

I’m known to do that, but you’ll never know what you’re going to get.  My mind is a jukebox, playing back any song I’ve ever heard, be it gangsta, folk, rock, or a song from a play.  A phrase from the news or a co-worker might set it off.  Sometimes my internal concert spills out into the open, but not too much.  I’m leery of those constantly in song.  It’s unsettling.

Regardless, she piped in after my “Drop it like it’s hot” rendition, “You should come sing in the church choir.  It’s every Tuesday and Thursday night.”

Church choir?  I hadn’t done that in a while, church or choir.  Sure, I thought, why not?

Practice was at 1900 (7:00 p.m. for you non-regs), just on the trail of the day and enough to get me out of the office just a little early.

The chapel was in a building just down a little south from the brigade.  In keeping with our aversion to street lighting, roads on most FOBs in theater are pitch black.  So a ‘little ways’ at night is normally an expedition through broken fences, rocks and ditches and over broken tank tracks that we use as makeshift speed bumps.

While quiet on the outside, once in, the chapel was a buzz.

The choir was large, about 20-25 people.  The protestant services here started out with a bang, filling the small chapel immediately, forcing them to move to the nearby movie theater to hold the extra people.

In the weeks following the premiere, attendance had abated, the swell to be resumed upon our unit’s first casualty, the holidays or near the end of tour as soldiers realize their real-world problems will be in the states when we get back.

So even though the chapel building wasn’t used very much, choir practices were still held here, as the movie theater showed movies in the evenings – funny.

1900 came.  1915 came.  Talk talk talk.  I was all about clipping off of work a little early, but there were still things to do.  I began to wonder if I should head back to the office.  1930 came and the major who has claimed the choir as his finally quieted the group down.

“Alright people lets go.  Let’s bring it together.”

Eyes rolled and a few side jokes were made.  Apparently there was a lot of resentment within the group about how this guy took over.  Who cares, as long as we finally got started?

The troops gathered around and I was given the eye a few times.

“So you can sing, huh?” another major asked, the rest of the bass section looking on.

“Yeah, I’ve been in a few groups growing up.”

“Well, we’ll see,” he snipped with a cold indifference.  Jeez, what was that?  I slid down the line of guys.

“What part do you sing?” asked a signal Pfc.

“Mainly baritone, but I can slide up into tenor or down to base for parts.”

“Well don’t stand next to me, you’ll throw me off.”

“Okay,” I said flatly, and shifted back toward the finance officer.

“Think you can hang with the big boys?  Heh heh heh,” the major said, chuckling to himself.

“I’ll try,” I said and managed a smile.

The major in charge was still tuning his guitar, shuffling papers around.

With every strum, the Pfc. I had just left let out a mimic, I guess trying to tune his voice?

“If you think you’ll get into the Christmas pageant, don’t count on it,” the finance major leaned over.  “We’re top notch, and you just got here.  It wouldn’t be fair.”

“Okay,” I said.  Apparently this was an audition.

By this time the talking had started again.  Cliques began to break off and socialize.  The signal Pfc. continued to sing to himself, now on the verge of belting out his flat monotone to overpower the ambient conversation.

“Enough!  Stop talking and stop flirting,” our leader barked.

The flock began to gather around again.  The noise was now just a murmur.

But the star diva, a medical specialist of battalion-renowned singing quality, stormed off and sat in the back of the chapel, her groupies close behind.

“He can’t talk to me like that!” she said to her five-guy entourage.  “Flirting?  He can’t say that to me!”

Although she spoke loud enough to hear, some of the group ignored her; but some broke away, putting half the crowd in her corner as the first few notes of the first song were pecked out on the keyboard.

The rest of the practice went by in the same boisterous, plodding manner. Tempers flared at each verse, over how the keyboard was being played, or if the altos were coming in too late.

“Stop singing the melody, learn your parts,” the leader snapped every few minutes.

With each go-round, the parts changed, making learning them a bit tricky.  The ensemble pushed through each composition with brute volume, sprinkled with enough in-tune vocals to pass for a song.

By 2030, I had enough, excused myself, and went back to work.  No one said goodbye.

It wasn’t a problem.  I had enough to worry about without the extra drama.  I had forgotten all that came with organized spiritual enterprise.


About salemonz

Born in San Diego, Calif. Raised as a Navy Brat, I jumped ship and crossed over to the Army. Served as an enlisted journalist for a bunch of years, then helped the DoD figure out what the hell to do with social media. After the Army, now I drift down the river of life, trying not to be a jerk.

7 responses to “I hear music”

  1. ZNB says :

    I like your voice Josh! Perhaps when you get back you should visit and we can sing a duet of “Ham Juice!”

    I of course made this up when I was getting a chunk of ham for christmas and there was a jelly fat blob on it, to which I said, “Gross, what the hell is that?” I was informed that it would turn back into Ham Juice once it was heated up. So I started singing “HAM JUICE!” in a very high pitched rock and roll voice. It’s catchy as all get out.

    So yeah, enough wasting your time. Have a good one bu-ddy.

  2. salmons says :

    I’m down with the juice vibe. I’ll see if I can start a fan base on this end. Submit to the power of rock!

  3. BourbonBird says :

    I want to hear ‘Ham Juice.’

    What is it about the Army and completely tearing down any shred of self-esteem you may have? Honestly, a lesser man would be rocking the foetal in the corner, jeez.

    You sing at random intervals to your own tune? Me too! I used to be a walking musical/opera away from Church and school choir, but leery people like you remind me that not everyone’s like that. Damn you!

  4. salmons says :

    Oh, don’t get me wrong BB, I have a wide tolerance, it’s just the cats that do it to be showy that make me cock a brow.

    You know, the ones that try to show how good they are and prove they know the words to any song they think of…

    Those peeps. Not you, BB 🙂

    Happy New Year to you too, by the way!

  5. BourbonBird says :

    Oh no, that’s definitely not me. I’m more like you in situations like that.

    I sing loud and proud for the sole purpose of embarrassing people, and to make them feel as uncomfortable as possible. Or make them laugh. Or make them laugh because they’re so uncomfortable that the only option is to laugh. Kekekeke.

  6. Lopermania says :

    You said it man! I love the Big Guy, but hate groups of people; why does it bring out the worst in us? I left the organized thing 10 years ago and my relationship with God has never been stronger. Sing On and Sing Loud!

  7. Beth* A. says :

    Yeah, Josh, Lopermania has the right idea. That wasn’t about singing or even about church, but about some outta control egos. What a rotten shame for you, it could’ve been a real outlet for a music lover! I enjoyed choir in school, it can be really something when the MUSIC is the focus. Keep doing what makes you happy!!!

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