So uber, it hurts
“Salmons!” the colonel barked.
“You remember those f*ckin’ posters we had back in the f*ckin’ rear?”
“I want those but with newer f*ckin’ pictures.”
And I was off, mission in hand. If memory serves…
Ah yes, those posters. Ugly, big prints of bad photos on posterboard. Print shops on Fort Hood could blow up anything to nearly any size – fuzzy and jpeg’d as all get out, but frikkin’ huge if that’s what you wanted. Twenty or so 3×5 foot boards hung in our halls back in the states.
I would do better.
I dove into the work. Photoshop, Illustrator, online maps, my mind kicked into gear, thoughts, ideas, concepts trickling and pouring in like rain through an Iraqi roof. Finally, here was something that required my kung-fu.
I took the boring unit emblem…
And shizzelized it with some sweet stripes. Shaded depth action, with uber dashes!
Each poster would have a map, showing where that particular poster was taken. But not just any map…
But some high-speed, GPS-tracking, target-acquired mappage. Booya. There we is!
After several hours of tweaking and fiddling, I had finally put together what I thought was a rockin’ looking poster. I built the templates in Photoshop so I could easily switch out the photos and information. Our poster factory was complete.
Behold the uber svelteness. So fresh and so clean, clean.
Just as I finished the prototype and readied it to show the commander…
“You got those pictures Salmons?” one of the crony assistant staff captains asked.
“Yes sir, just let me export the tiff so we can get the resolution to make it look good.”
“Oh…we are just going to print them out from PowerPoint on the laserjet. What’s ‘tiff’?”
*Sigh* So it’s back to the old ways. No frills, no flourishes, just 8×10 inch pieces of paper with bled ink and blurry registry.
And they wouldn’t even let me pick the pictures. They just wanted them all – the underexposed, duplicated, out of focus shots. Naturally they had no eye for what made a good picture.