Well, yeah I’m an idiot
I am a delicate and dumb soldier.
I require sensing sessions, to gauge my feelings about food and quarters.
I require classes every three months as to why I shouldn’t be a racist, to tell me rape is wrong, and that I shouldn’t torture detainees.
I have to sign letters that are passed around saying I will not have sex while deployed.
If I suffer hearing loss in a war-time environment, it is my fault since I wasn’t wearing my ear plugs.
I have to wear eye protection while I’m eating in certain dining facilities because years ago a mortar hit a few hundred yards from that chow hall.
I must carry around two cards in my wallet listing my general’s “combat priorities,” that say such things as “Command & Control” “Know PIR & FFIR” “100% Services” and “Conduct Aggressive Patrols”. Yet no one knows what any of that means.
I must have a “buddy” when I eat, walk or use the latrines.
I must carry a rape whistle in case I’m attacked.
I must sign a policy letter saying I will not use profanity because it is offensive.
When faced with a split-second combat situation, I must ask myself if I have escalated through the five S’s, thought through the four C’s, determined the proportional use of force, considered if deadly force is in fact authorized, switch to arming status amber, switch to arming stance red, flip off my safety and fire. Otherwise, I will go to jail.
I must show my ID card when entering any building, dining facility, gym, or MWR center to ensure that I’m not a uniformed, weapon-carrying, clean-cut, Caucasian, English-speaking, American-accented, Iraqi insurgent.